Defending the Remake An exclusive article by The Butcher It’s inevitable. When ever I’m discussing horror with a fellow co-worker or some horror junkie waiting in-line to meet Doug Bradley for the sixth time the subject of remakes always rears its ugly head. I honestly thought the topic was deader than Fred Krueger after being pulled out of a dream, but I'm constantly proven wrong. After three (maybe four) long years of remake nirvana the subject matter is still considered a hot topic, which is why I finally decided to go ahead and write this article. The funny thing is I could care less about remakes either way; I look forward to some and avoid others like the t-virus. But horror fans in general are rather passionate creatures (to say the least) about the subject matter so I thought it would be fun to ruffle some feathers. From my observations I see several stances when it comes to remakes. You’ll find the younger crowd who don’t even realize that most of the films they’re going to see are indeed remakes. I mean can you blame them? In most cases the films are older then they are. So they'll skip off to the theater, walk into that darkened room with no preconceptions whatsoever and absorb the experience. Some may even try to stick their penis through the bottom of the popcorn bucket, but that's a whole other article. But I think some kids do recognize The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and probably The Amityville Horror as remakes, but I’m guessing not so much with The Hitcher and Black Christmas. Remember people, we’re talking about the general public here. Not some kid that watched Dawn of the Dead with his dad before bedtime. Then you have the diehard horror junkies who grew up watching Friday the 13th, Dawn of the Dead, Halloween, The Exorcist, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Evil Dead, The Hills Have Eyes. I mean the list could go on for days. This crowd seems to be a little annoyed with the idea of remakes. OK, fine. They pretty much loathe them. Some might be a little ravenous with their reasoning but I can see their point. I mean, they grew up with these films, watched them daily and then some up-and-coming Hollywood hotshot rips the thing to shreds, probably changing everything that made the film great in the first place. It’d be like if you spent two years sculpting a masterpiece of a statue and then some retard from the YMCA wipes his diaper all over it. I also think horror fans in general are very passionate people and they want to see horror be great again. They want original horror films with original ideas thriving on the big screen. Makes sense right? I mean with films like Halloween (remake), The Hitcher, (remake), Saw 4 (sequel), Hostel: Part 2 (sequel), 28 Weeks Later (sequel) dominating theaters this year (and the past three at least) it’s hard to not see where they’re coming from. But in general I think these guys would like to see independent horror films get more attention such as by making the cover of Fangoria Magazine, or generating a lead story on Bloody-Disgusting.com, as apposed to another remake such as The Fog. Then you have yet another group of people who either grew up watching these films or saw them when they were originally released. They see ads for such films as The Hills Have Eyes, When a Stranger Calls, The Hitcher, The Fog, Black Christmas and they'll venture out to the theater on a film-by-film basis. If the films sucked then they'll say it sucked. If the film was good then they'll say it was good. The experience lasts only a few hours. There’s no bitterness towards the experience. They’re far easier going with the process. The idea of remaking a film has always been around, and not even specifically in the horror genre either. Everything from Titanic to Night of the Living Dead has had some sort of face lift in recent years. So the fact that remakes are happening now doesn’t surprise me in the least. Yeah horror has blown up, but when remakes like The Amityville Horror and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre double their initial investment on opening weekend does this really come as a surprise to anyone? The second those box office numbers were released Hollywood producers began selling their children on the black market for the latest remake script. We should have all seen this coming like a 500 mile wide comet heading towards Earth, right? And this goes for every genre. Remember the smash hit There’s Something About Mary? When that hit big every summer after that you'd see some new comedy starring either Ben Stiller, Vince Vaugn, Owen Wilson, or if they were busy, we got Luke Wilson. Then you have X-Men. That does huge business and since then we've had Superman, Spiderman, Hulk, Batman, Ghost Rider, The Punisher and Fantastic Four. How about the natural disaster craze in the late nineties? I mean, Hollywood investors are literally like lemmings. Are they making money? Hell yeah! Are they losing every shred of integrity along the way? Absolutely. Do they care? No fucking way. Of course I'm speaking in general terms here, but what really sucks is that there are far more people who enjoy these films than don't. Take Saw 3 for instance. I thought that film was average at best yet it has one of the highest user averages on my site. So we can bitch about these money maker trends but there is definitely an audience for them. But in general I hear much disappointment from horror fans today. The general consensus is that horror today sucks because there's nothing original anymore. Well I couldn't disagree with this argument more. I think we have a handful of "heroes" in the horror industry who are working their asses off to bring you the horror fan specifically original quality content. And yes, remakes included. Take director Alex Aja for instance. He hits big with High Tension, which was very original in my opinion and then immediately moves to the states where he's quickly snatched up by Wes Craven to direct The Hills Have Eyes remake. Yeah it's not an original piece but he's working his balls of to make sure the film is the best it can be. We know this because this film is his big chance to solidify himself as a money making director and not some one hit wonder. He succeeded because The Hills Have Eyes was very well received by the general public and critics with only small exception. Then we have Eli Roth, the man responsible for Cabin Fever, Hostel and Hostel Part 2. Some people dislike his films while others consider them amongst their favorites, but an honest horror fan can't argue that the guy isn't trying his hardest to bring you high quality original horror films. Or at least what he believes to be. This guy literally stays awake at night worrying that fans won’t like his work. Plus he’s great to the fans. His DVDs are always loaded with extra content and on one commentary track he even talks in great length on how one can break into the film business. Now that’s pretty cool! We also have Neil Marshall who was responsible for The Descent, which made critics top ten lists all over the globe. We have Guillermo del Toro who wrote and directed Pan’s Labyrinth, which was insanely awesome and went on to win several Academy Awards. Rob Zombie, a personal favorite of mine, kicked ass with The Devil's Rejects and will mostly likely kick even more ass with the Halloween remake. Rob even took the initiative to film a ninety-minute documentary on the making of The Devil's Rejects for the DVD. How sweet is that? And of course I have to mention Grindhouse, which was honestly the most fun I've had in a theater in my life. The point is we have a handful of horror directors who make a huge effort to bring high quality original horror to the masses. They even take the time to create Myspace pages and run them themselves. They'll post news on the production written personally, they'll comment on press releases, write personal notes to the fans and even take interviews with small horror sites like mine. I respect these guys a great deal and thank them for everything they do. Another point I want to make is that I'm truly exhausted with watching older classics like Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Exorcist, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, The Shining and every other horror flick I watched everyday after school for the majority of my childhood. It's inevitable, every Halloween someone I know will be hosting a living room movie festival and The Exorcist or The Shining always makes its way into the play list and unfortunately I have to decline the invite because I can't possibly watch those films again. Now this is not to say that I don’t pull out an oldie every once-in-a awhile. Just last week I watched The Dead Zone, The Gate and Hellraiser. And I had a good time doing so. But in general, I have a hard time watching older movies at this point, which brings me to my next point. For me, remakes bring new life to the franchises that I once loved. Take Amityville Horror for instance. I think the original is a decent film but it's slow, older then Moses’ sandals and is just not scary. I mean, walls bleeding chocolate syrup? What's next, flying cupcakes? I can remember seeing the remake and being genuinely scared for the first time ever in a movie theater. That movie kicked my ass on the scare factor. Plus it expanded the story, which I really enjoyed. We actually learn about the history of the home. We get to see what's beyond the basement walls. We get to see a newer fresher take on classic scenes like the babysitter trapped in the closet or the "Get Out!" moment with the priest. I mean, how cool is that to watch The Amityville Horror as a kid and then years later see what's beyond the basement walls or actually getting details on the presence in the house. Another scene that comes to mind is in The Hills Have Eyes remake. The whole final act is an addition to the original story and I think it made all the difference. I mean, mongaloids living amongst mannequins in a fake town designed to replicate realistic conditions during nuclear attack. That's such a good idea to me. Then you have the holy grail of horror flicks The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The original pretty much consisted of a girl being chased by a maniac wielding a chainsaw and eventually she is caught and proceeds to scream bloody murder for the remainder of the film. Yeah that works for me and you, but what about the other ninety-percent of the population who want plot, dynamic characters and some relevance of a script. That remake took the original idea and fleshed it out, and even till this day I still hear people talking about how much they enjoyed the film. Plus look at where all these franchises ended up. Jason Voorhees went to space, FUCKING SPACE!!!, Rosanne and Tom Arnold somehow ended up on Elm Street, Busta Rhymes found himself kung-fu fighting Michael Myers, and in Leatherface (Chainsaw III) you had the main character of Benny coming back to life after having his head sawed in half, literally. And I'm not even sure where the Amityville franchise ended, but I'd bet my signed Chucky doll that it's far scarier than the demon living in the house. Point is people, these franchises had to die. Someone should have killed them, before they killed themselves. It’s time to rebirth these modern classics and I am one-hundred percent on board. I mean either these films get remade and start fresh or we never see these iconic character again and if we do, their films will be unbearable. Jason Vs. Freddy Vs. Michael Myers, seriously folks? I'd rather watch Sponge Head Bob take on the Soap Bubbles from Beyond. Take the Friday the 13th remake for instance. I've heard people bitch about this film from day one and I just don't get that. I mean, what is there to fuck up? It's going to be at Crystal Lake featuring a masked Jason Voorhees running around killing everyone he possibly can within a 90 minutes time frame. Plus the chicks will be hotter, the death scenes will be better and it will look and sound better. Yeah, I can see why people would complain. It always makes me laugh when horror fans rip apart films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning or the House of Wax remake and then go watch Friday the 13th part 6 or Silent Night Deadline Night for the hundredth time. I’m not saying these films are great by any means but I think they’re on par with older films that we, as horror fans, tend to hold dear. The thing is I don’t even care much about remakes. There are a handful that I like and a bigger handful that I don’t. And honestly it’s really not my place to bitch about remakes. Some people go out of their way, posting on message board after message board bitching about remakes. But really folks, if the person who owns the rights to the original film is on board, and someone wants to produce the film, and someone wants to put that film in their theater and people want to pay money to go see the film then how the fuck is it your business to discourage that? I get the impression that some horror fans feel like it's their film, like they own stock in The Evil Dead or Halloween. Well guess what. You don’t so quit your bitching. If you don’t like the movie then just don’t so see it. Doesn’t that make sense? How would you like it if you were in a rock band and someone didn't like your music? Then that person spends three hours a day on the internet trolling sites to let everyone know how much they disliked you and your band. I'm guessing you'd be pretty pissed. I mean find more productive ways to spend your time. But if the slate of theatrical releases leaves you begging for a chainsaw to the face then just look for films in other places. No joke, the best films I see each year are not raking in the millions at the box office. They’re lucky if they make limited release. They're the little indie films that people don't mention in mainstream media, films like Mad Cowgirl, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, The Living and the Dead and Headspace are all far better films than eighty- percent of what I see in theaters. So start looking into these smaller titles. Find a handful of websites that you like and see what they they're watching, what they recommend. Because I can assure you, there are gems to be found amongst all the crap. Crap being the plethora of straight to DVD titles from Lions Gate. Easy boys! You won the Guinness Book of World Records for most shitty films being released in a one week period two years ago. So in wrapping up I say this. Take each remake as it comes and just understand that it’s a business and that people are trying to make money. Yeah it sucks but that’s the way it is. And if you see a new remake like Halloween or Friday the 13th try to have fun with it. It’s all supposed to be fun, remember that. Horror is fun and that’s why we all love watching it. And if you want to check out some of the smaller budget indie flicks then dig in a little. Trust me, there is some awesome horror at your finger tips that’s waiting to be seen. But most importantly, remember that these remakes aren’t replacing the originals. We’ll always have that original version of Halloween to pull out when times get tough. So be well and we’ll see you at the movies! Interview is property of KillerReviews.com - Copyright 2007 Thanks for reading!