Let me first assert that I am a long fan of Godzilla. He was a part of my youth catching the subtitled films on grainy aerial television back in the early 70’s and I have enough Godzilla t-shirts to prove my loyalty to the ‘king’.

As a result, Godzilla: King of the Monsters was on my list of the 10 movies I HAD to see in 2019. Boy, do I wish I could rethink my screening schedule.

I hated Godzilla circa 2019. The new film was terrible. Awful. Downright dreary.

The problem lay mostly in the script – particularly the dialogue. I was re-writing scenes in my head in real time as I could not believe how various character interaction scenes got by the dailies audience. It was laughable and not since Peter Berg’s Battleship have I rolled my eyes or shifted in my seat as much after every utterance.

Wasted are the talents on screen. Particularly that of Ken Wantanabe. He channels his inner Wes Studi from Mystery Men and rambles off fortune cookie adage after another never having more than two sentences at any one time during the entire movie. “Release the drones” and “Land us here” are two of his more intricate dialogue highlights. Bradley Whitford plays his character from Cabin the Woods over again and Ms. Brown pretends she is part Lara Croft and part Liv Tyler a la Armageddon.

The story and motivations of the characters are implausible nonsense. And characters spend too much time looking up at nuclear type destruction happening directly above them without as much as flinching. I guarantee you – I would be running in the opposite direction.

The monsters are cool. I guess. And there are a lot of them. But the action sequences are shot in dark colors and constant rain which makes Game of Thrones season 6 look like it was shot on the sun.

Even the soundtrack is off. Godzilla’s presence should be accompanied with a menacing score. Instead, it sounded like leftover stock music from a Troma film.

And then there’s the ending – 130+ minutes later. The city of Boston is destroyed (and I am ok with that actually), and the creatures which were spread out all over the world all hit their connecting flights to arrive at the scene of the crime and pay tribute to the ‘king’ in a scene that was just missing Elton John’s The Circle of Life song to be truly on target.

I am guessing the film might end up with a few Razzie nominations in about 9 months time, not the least of which is the final song which resounds over the end credits.

I wanted to love Godzilla: King of the Monsters. I would have settled with liking it. Instead, I will watch Matthew Broderick arrange for truckload of fish for 1998’s Godzilla to get even a mediocre feeling for the creature I have come to love so much.